Rejection

God is showing me through a few people He has placed in my life that possibly I can have a relationship with others who can accept me as I am. This is so foreign to me, I lost so many people in my life that I fear sharing things at my SA meetings and church functions, afraid of how they will respond to me.

I went to a bible study tonight and as the people sat in a circle sharing the things from their life that God was doing, I could only think to myself how if these people knew who I was sitting among them, that they would be disgusted by me. I know these are good people and in my sane mind I know this is most likely untrue but in the reality that I have lived it is all I have known, rejection.

I want to get past this feeling and to not be stifled by things that may or may not be true. I want to know how God sees me, yet, the truth is I have no clue. Even though I was a minister and grew up in a minister’s home, my mind can not comprehend at this moment Gods love for me. I just want to know He loves me… not in my mind but in my soul.

I know God is working, I can see it through the people he has placed in my life. I don’t want this to be a feel sorry for me situation but I also don’t want it to be this painful either. I just hurt! I just really hurt!

Comments

Michael said…
I can so relate to how that feels. Rejection is a major theme for porn and sex addicts, that and lonilenss.

I felt rejected/do feel rejected all the time. Great is Christ Jesus who never rejects us.
3:00 PM
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