I am Not A Disposable Person
What a GREAT church service this morning! Just when you think God can‘t top the week before He hits another home run! The song service was exceptional, every song was a testament to my life, at one point I had to excuse myself to the restroom because I did not want others to see me cry publicly.
When Pastor spoke I hung to every word he said because I could yet another week feel God sitting next to me telling me “listen to what I have to show you this morning.” I am learning to let go of this pain and to trust other with this. It is so foreign to me, I have been afraid that if I start crying I will not be able to stop. One illustration Pastor used this morning is something I have felt all my life and that is that I am a disposable person, someone who has been thrown away. Yet, people God has recently brought into my life have sifted through the garbage and have pulled me in, for the first time I feel of value.
Well, during the invitation God told me to go pray but led me to not pray alone. I wanted to just come up on stage and fall into Pastors arms as I feel safe with him and he know my stuff, God decided something different as I could never do something that outward in a service. As I walked towards the youth minister and his wife I could not speak, tears were all that I could share and Brandon pulled me in and just hugged me and God pored out of him. His prayer was so compassionate and right on target. You would have thought I was able to share with him what I was feeling, he prayed exactly for what I needed. Then, in amazement, Brandon said “Mike, for some reason God wants me to share with you that there is a little girl skipping and laughing.” I cried out loud. He had no clue that my heart was broken for my daughter this week and in just that simple line he spoke, God gave me the comfort that I have long for knowing that my daughter is just fine and will be ok through this.
God is so real right now to me that I don’t know how to let Him continue to touch me. I have never experienced this in my life, I have never been this accepted. I guess I will have to accept that God truly loves me and has forgiven me and He is restoring me daily.
When Pastor spoke I hung to every word he said because I could yet another week feel God sitting next to me telling me “listen to what I have to show you this morning.” I am learning to let go of this pain and to trust other with this. It is so foreign to me, I have been afraid that if I start crying I will not be able to stop. One illustration Pastor used this morning is something I have felt all my life and that is that I am a disposable person, someone who has been thrown away. Yet, people God has recently brought into my life have sifted through the garbage and have pulled me in, for the first time I feel of value.
Well, during the invitation God told me to go pray but led me to not pray alone. I wanted to just come up on stage and fall into Pastors arms as I feel safe with him and he know my stuff, God decided something different as I could never do something that outward in a service. As I walked towards the youth minister and his wife I could not speak, tears were all that I could share and Brandon pulled me in and just hugged me and God pored out of him. His prayer was so compassionate and right on target. You would have thought I was able to share with him what I was feeling, he prayed exactly for what I needed. Then, in amazement, Brandon said “Mike, for some reason God wants me to share with you that there is a little girl skipping and laughing.” I cried out loud. He had no clue that my heart was broken for my daughter this week and in just that simple line he spoke, God gave me the comfort that I have long for knowing that my daughter is just fine and will be ok through this.
God is so real right now to me that I don’t know how to let Him continue to touch me. I have never experienced this in my life, I have never been this accepted. I guess I will have to accept that God truly loves me and has forgiven me and He is restoring me daily.
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