Intentional Guy

Today I found some strength from the minister at church who has been delivered from pornogrphy. Pastor is out of town and we had a special speaker ally laid it out about getting real with God. I am praying hard for God to move in my life and to deliver me from myself.

I have had a lot of up and downs the last few weeks but I am starting to realize what God is trying to do in me. God has had to take me to nothing to rebuild my life in Him and for me to trust Him. I only thought I knew who God was but when I am honest with myself I have to admit that I have no clue who God is and how He views me. I have such a hard time trying to conceiving the idea of how much He loves me. However, God’s love for me is undeniable when I see how far He has brought me in such a short period of time. I have so much to learn about His love, knowing He loves me is in my head but my life has not experienced love without rejection, hurt or something being demanded in return so why wouldn’t I think He will reject me after all that I have done. Yes, I know he is God and not the others in my life that used me and hurt me but I still am afraid He will reject me (even though I know that in God’s word He states He won’t). Does that make any since? I had finished writing out my fi...

Here is an old song I use to sing that is giving me a lot of comfort right now, I really love the words! Verse 1: My life I give to you oh Lord Use me I pray. May I glorify your precious name In all I do and say May I trust you in the valley dark As well as in the light Knowing you will always lead me Your word is always right Chorus: For I know God makes no mistakes He leads in every step I take Along the trail that leads me close to home And though at times my heart may break There’s a purpose in every change He makes That others may see my life and know That God makes no mistakes. Verse 2: And when some day in heaven above I see His dear face May I then be counted faithful As a runner in this race Now I’m trusting in my Savior As He shows me the way In His righteousness He guides me His will I’ll obey

I have really enjoyed the messages this month at church; we are doing a series over the life of David. It has been GREAT insight for me and where I am at right now in my journey. I have so much that I need to learn about who God really is and how he forgives and loves. A thought I had today when my pastor picked me up for church was; if this man can love me as he has shown through these ups and downs that I am having (so frequently) and give me such compassion and hope, how much then does God look at me and really care? I must confess that I can not conceive that right now but I do know He wants for me to know this and to feel good about who I am and can be through all of this turmoil. I don’t understand what it is like to be loved for who I am and not what I offer, I want to know Gods love. Pastor has talked a lot in his sermons how to restore a brother who has fallen which I knew in my head how to do and have in the past done for others but I never knew what was really needed of...

Just a stupid thought today. In this overwhelming time I am beginning to see why God has allowed the things that have happened to me to be. Being where I am allows no other option but to be still and watch for God to work, even if I wanted to run away I have no means to do so and no place to go, I am where I can only be. Each day I find a little more comfort in being humbled by God and my destructive past. My main fears are still the evil thoughts that have been imbedded to my memory that I alone put there but can not alone remove; I pray they will not again over take me. Yet, my prayers seem to be voided out because of the things that penetrate my thoughts, I long so much to draw close to God and find His strength yet I defeat myself from doing so. How is it that this former minister who know Gods word and has helped others from this disaster is unable to help himself and feel Gods power in my life. I hang on to my Pastors words trusting that he is right when he say there is growth in...