PATHETIC

I felt PATHETIC tonight. I have made it a few weeks sober and it has not been as easy as I would like to think it has, although I am excited over this is improvement. The Post Office is still the hardest thing for me to do on my own in fact I am unable too. My Pastor meets with me every week to go get my mail and every week I get something that is overwhelming to me, for me mail is nothing but receiving more bad news. EXACTLY WHAT I WROTE IN MY LAST POSTING!

I looked “Pathetic” up in the dictionary and it read “man who is unable to pick mail up on his own without his Pastors help”. I guess my life being unmanageable means ever aspect of it, including picking up mail.

I am going to make it, I am determined too! I re-read my first step tonight and cried as I read, realizing I truly want nothing of that old person in my life again. I guess part of me wants to be self destructive at times because it would be easier than facing the tremendous battle I still have before me to re-establish my life. Last nights SA group was good for me to soak in, knowing that I want to be real and not live that fake life I once did.

Comments

Michael said…
Man, I feel for ya brother. Mike, it is so hard. I can totally relate to how you feel. My life is (especially financial) is so unmanageable. It is out of control. Just to let you know what sex addiction has cost me: My poor family is shacked up with my mommy and my daddy. My wife can't be the women she wants to be because of we live with my mother. How pathetic is that? It gets worse. Our finances are so out of control (maybe it is our priorities, I don't know) that 8k in bonus money hasn't been able to catch us up from a $200 trip to a strip club. In fact, I've had to borrow money from mommy. To make a long story short, my life, my money is just as "pathetic".

However. And this is a huge however: We're redeemed. So if in the dictionary there was this suppposed definition, flip over to the word forgiven and your picture and my picture is there. Now, flip to redeemed, there we are again.

As I read your blog I see this core belief coming out: I am basically a bad person."

You're not a bad person. You're a broken, person. You're a person in need of God's living water. Surrender to Him and let Him fill you with the living water.

This is just another area in your life that will require surrendering, admitting you're powerless, and creating a plan to regain your sanity in this area.

Satan is attacking you and that isn't good. So fight back with the word. Let the love of your pastor and friends fill you up. Be sure to reach out. That is when we get into trouble.
1:11 AM
Anonymous said…
I am sorry that you're feeling the way you are. I wish I were in a "better place" so that I could help the Lord minister to you. Praying for you!
9:42 PM
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