Insurmountable Odds
I hope I do not sound like a broken record but I have to say it was another great Sunday service. While it is fresh on my mind I want to write my thoughts from what I felt God was saying to me.
Before the service started I already had depressing thoughts to myself thinking, “How can I move forward from these anxious feelings that I have been experiencing?” In my insane thinking I felt as though maybe the panic attacks that I have experienced were my own fault, because I don’t have enough faith, truth is I have a lot of fears. I have so many BIG things facing me these days, a lot of overwhelming GIANTS that I have no clue to how I will conquer them.
The passage today was from 1 Samuel 17 when the Philistine army sent Goliath out: A good point I never really thought about before today was that when David faced the giant, he knew this man had all the abilities to kill him, he had no clue that what he was about to do would be one of the strongest story ever told through out the century “David and Goliath”. He had to have some fears or hesitation, yet he faced his Giant! Did David know that he was going to kill his giant? I don’t know if he did or did not, he may have had a conversation with himself that is sometimes like mine, “how am I going to conquer this GIANT” and God answers “You do what you can and I will send you a miracle.”
As I re-read the passages (1 Samuel 17) from this morning sermon, in my mind I read a more personal story that is paraphrased to this:
8-Lust stood and shouted to me: "Why come out in battle formation? I am pornography, and you are a defeated servant. If you have faith I dare you to come and face me
9-If You beat me in combat and kill me, we will be your vassals; but if I beat you and kill your faith, you shall be our vassals and serve us."
43-The PORNOGRAPHY said to me, "Am I a dog that you come against me with a staff?" Then the Porn cursed me by his gods
45-I answered him: "You come against me with lust and internet porn and sexual addictions that I committed, but I come against you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel that you have insulted.
46-Today the LORD shall deliver SHAME AND GUILT into my hand; I will strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will leave your corpse and the corpses of PORNOGRAPY for the birds of the air and the beasts of the field; thus the whole land shall learn that MIKE has a God.
Back now to my earlier question, “How can I move forward from these anxious feelings I have been experiencing?” Face my Giants, my fears, my failures. Pastor said, "God desires for us to walk in victory and liberty, not in fear."
As I sat with him (my Pastor) last night, he reassured me that God already has things in place for me but it is not yet revealed to us exactly what and when just that he has a plan. I know I need to just do what I know to do is right and am able too and let God send me the miracles as he sees fit to send. I just need to stay faithful and not be afraid to face the GIANTS in my life. I do not want to live in fear no longer, I want to really know what it is like to walk with God and not be fake as I was in my past.
So, I need to get busy and focus on helping others and not let the lies that I am not worthy to serve God to others or at church and know that He is restoring me as I let him. I am the only one standing in my way of restoration, I want to be open and transparent to whom God is.
I hope I do not come across as over spiritual in this posting, I am just writing my thoughts, my hopes, and my desire to want to be whole again. Thanks for reading!
Before the service started I already had depressing thoughts to myself thinking, “How can I move forward from these anxious feelings that I have been experiencing?” In my insane thinking I felt as though maybe the panic attacks that I have experienced were my own fault, because I don’t have enough faith, truth is I have a lot of fears. I have so many BIG things facing me these days, a lot of overwhelming GIANTS that I have no clue to how I will conquer them.
The passage today was from 1 Samuel 17 when the Philistine army sent Goliath out: A good point I never really thought about before today was that when David faced the giant, he knew this man had all the abilities to kill him, he had no clue that what he was about to do would be one of the strongest story ever told through out the century “David and Goliath”. He had to have some fears or hesitation, yet he faced his Giant! Did David know that he was going to kill his giant? I don’t know if he did or did not, he may have had a conversation with himself that is sometimes like mine, “how am I going to conquer this GIANT” and God answers “You do what you can and I will send you a miracle.”
As I re-read the passages (1 Samuel 17) from this morning sermon, in my mind I read a more personal story that is paraphrased to this:
8-Lust stood and shouted to me: "Why come out in battle formation? I am pornography, and you are a defeated servant. If you have faith I dare you to come and face me
9-If You beat me in combat and kill me, we will be your vassals; but if I beat you and kill your faith, you shall be our vassals and serve us."
43-The PORNOGRAPHY said to me, "Am I a dog that you come against me with a staff?" Then the Porn cursed me by his gods
45-I answered him: "You come against me with lust and internet porn and sexual addictions that I committed, but I come against you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel that you have insulted.
46-Today the LORD shall deliver SHAME AND GUILT into my hand; I will strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will leave your corpse and the corpses of PORNOGRAPY for the birds of the air and the beasts of the field; thus the whole land shall learn that MIKE has a God.
Back now to my earlier question, “How can I move forward from these anxious feelings I have been experiencing?” Face my Giants, my fears, my failures. Pastor said, "God desires for us to walk in victory and liberty, not in fear."
As I sat with him (my Pastor) last night, he reassured me that God already has things in place for me but it is not yet revealed to us exactly what and when just that he has a plan. I know I need to just do what I know to do is right and am able too and let God send me the miracles as he sees fit to send. I just need to stay faithful and not be afraid to face the GIANTS in my life. I do not want to live in fear no longer, I want to really know what it is like to walk with God and not be fake as I was in my past.
So, I need to get busy and focus on helping others and not let the lies that I am not worthy to serve God to others or at church and know that He is restoring me as I let him. I am the only one standing in my way of restoration, I want to be open and transparent to whom God is.
I hope I do not come across as over spiritual in this posting, I am just writing my thoughts, my hopes, and my desire to want to be whole again. Thanks for reading!
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