God’s love for me is undeniable

I have had a lot of up and downs the last few weeks but I am starting to realize what God is trying to do in me. God has had to take me to nothing to rebuild my life in Him and for me to trust Him. I only thought I knew who God was but when I am honest with myself I have to admit that I have no clue who God is and how He views me. I have such a hard time trying to conceiving the idea of how much He loves me.

However, God’s love for me is undeniable when I see how far He has brought me in such a short period of time. I have so much to learn about His love, knowing He loves me is in my head but my life has not experienced love without rejection, hurt or something being demanded in return so why wouldn’t I think He will reject me after all that I have done. Yes, I know he is God and not the others in my life that used me and hurt me but I still am afraid He will reject me (even though I know that in God’s word He states He won’t). Does that make any since?

I had finished writing out my first step with SA and had to go back several times and add some more painful things I had forgotten about, when I re-read it I look at it and wonder how could I be a child of God and did the things I did? Yet, I know I was a Christian and had accepted Christ as my Savior, I was just the poster boy for the backslidden Christian.

Next week I will be reading my story to a group of men at an SA meeting, I am so afraid of how I will be received but most of all I am afraid of speaking the truth of who and what I had become. I just hope that when this is done I will be able to put it behind me and move on to the next level of recovery and in my relationship with God.

Comments

Michael said…
Undeniable. Even when we don't feel it.
1:35 AM
Anonymous said…
Hi there... sorry for the lack of "input" lately. I can't post comments to blogs now that I switched to a beta blogger account. I've been reading, and praying... knowing that God is going to see you through to perfection. Blessings & Prayers, my brother.

Barbie
10:39 PM
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