I am where I can only be

Just a stupid thought today. In this overwhelming time I am beginning to see why God has allowed the things that have happened to me to be. Being where I am allows no other option but to be still and watch for God to work, even if I wanted to run away I have no means to do so and no place to go, I am where I can only be.

Each day I find a little more comfort in being humbled by God and my destructive past. My main fears are still the evil thoughts that have been imbedded to my memory that I alone put there but can not alone remove; I pray they will not again over take me. Yet, my prayers seem to be voided out because of the things that penetrate my thoughts, I long so much to draw close to God and find His strength yet I defeat myself from doing so.

How is it that this former minister who know Gods word and has helped others from this disaster is unable to help himself and feel Gods power in my life. I hang on to my Pastors words trusting that he is right when he say there is growth in my life. I guess that I do know this is true but there are moments like today that my heart can not see it.

I know I am down at this moment but tomorrow I will be facing another day of being sober, thank God I am still able to have sobriety in my life and not giving in as I have in the past, and I guess that is growth.

Thanks GUYS for this therapeutic moment!

Comments

dewde said…
Keep blogging man. For you and for everyone else that will be blessed by your transparency.
11:15 PM
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