I am the Prodigal Son

Tonight I decided to start journaling again after taking a time away from the computer. My time away did seem to make a difference for me removing myself from what I struggle most with. However, during this time I was able to devise a strategy to allow me to use my computer but in a safe way. So after installing some filters and an accountability program I think I am set to start back on my blog.

I want to start my blog with an encounter I had this week that gave me a God moment. During my time away from journaling I did a lot of thinking about the people God has placed in my life and how accepting they have been to me, even after knowing my deep dark secrets that cause me such shame they still accept me. I realized though that these people didn’t know me from before so all they have ever known is my brokenness. I decided to take a risk and send a letter to a friend who I have known almost my whole life who during my fall reached out to me but I could not believe him when he said “no matter what you have done I view you no differently”. Would he still feel the same way if he truly knew the terrible things I have done? So, I sent him a letter laying it all out to him along with how to reach me if he chose too. The time period that I sent this letter to him was during the same time that Ted Haggard was all over the news about his fall with a male prostitute, timing is everything isn’t it?

Well, time went by and I never heard from my friend, at first I was nervous I had sent the letter to the wrong address and then my heart sank because I knew I had laid to much on him and that’s when I feared would he tell those we knew what I had told him and be chastised for it? I had to just put it out of my head as I knew when I sent my letter it was a big risk. Well, yesterday after I had almost forgotten about sending him that letter my phone rang I saw his name on my caller id. My heart skipped a few beats and I had to make a choice to answer or not fearing what he might say to me.

I have to say that God is faithful and my friend showed me such love and friendship and confirmed for me Gods grace from another fellow believer. It was at that moment after our conversation was over that I felt the presence of God come over me. What a calming he gave me. He spoke to my spirit and I was communicating to my Lord in a way I never thought I would be able to again. God is opening my eyes everyday and showing me his love that I had felt so ashamed and undeserving to receive before.

God is in the middle of healing my brokenness and showing me a grace I did not ever imagine was this wonderful. I, a sex addict, a man who has betrayed everything my God stands for, am still loved by the Great Master that He wants to still touch me and use me. HE IS NOT DONE WITH ME! I want to SHOUT and rejoice like I never have before. I am the Prodigal Son and my father has run out to greet me and embrace me, He still loves and cares for me after all I have done. WOW!